7 rules for the NFP husband…

1) If you have little girls already, perhaps you have already seen Princess and the Frog. I point this out only to note that if a Disney Princess can say “mucus” with a straight face – I am sure you can too.

2) No one like to be the bearer of bad news… and no matter how much your wife may seem to enjoy it sometimes – she doesn’t either. The more you make her say “no” the more frustrated she gets… the more frustrated she gets, the easier it is for her to say no.

3) How frustrating is it to be in a conversation with someone who has no clue what you are talking about? It gets even worse when you know they are shaking their head in agreement with no clue what they are agreeing to… Do I really need to say more – learn it! More than just what phase 3 means – NFP is a team sport and if you are the only one on the team that knows the rules the game it can get frustrating quickly. Just as important, when you know the rules you know when she is making up her own.

4) Find the bright side… Can there be an upside to abstinence?!? It may be hard to find, but think of it from her perspective. Not only does she have to deal with abstinence, but she has to deal with your whining. Distract each other in other ways.

5) All those experts who write those annoying books she always wants you to read are right about one point; communication is the key – and NFP is all about communication. Now it may be hard for some to grasp, but the communication I have in mind is more than “Is it phase 3 yet?” Get over the sex part of intimacy, at least for a couple weeks a month. This is the perfect time to force her to pretend to like watching football… Quality time comes in all different forms (but remember it’s a two way street, you may have to try to not to gouge your eyes out for an episode of Glee from time to time…)

6) We all know how quickly gambling can get out of control, and except for a select few it typically doesn’t end with outcome we were hoping for. Same holds true in our world of NFP. We have been known to say “we’re close enough to phase 3” but we also have 7 children. Enough said? Close enough is only close enough if you have an empty bassinet laying around.

7) NFP – the Navy Seals of birth control. Think about it, anybody can run to a doctor and get some pill – NFP takes something more. The mental prowess and patience of a sniper sitting quietly on target waiting for the target of opportunity. The coordination; communication, between teammates, the training and knowledge to understand the plan.  The camaraderie, the sacrifice, the commitment….

Alright, I did my best to make it sound masculine but the reality is there is nothing more masculine than following God’s plan for love and marriage. There is no greater way to show your love for your wife than to know her, to understand how God created her, to be a partner in responsible parenthood….

 

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:28

 

Another one... really?

Sharing the good news that God has seen fit to trust and bless us with; bringing a new life into this world is always exciting but brings along some degree of anxiety. Perhaps that is due to our secular upbringing, where 4 was a large family, 6 was crazy, and 7 was unheard of. We sadly found ourselves hesitant to share the news with our families because we knew what the reaction would be. It was only a select few of our closest friends who we knew would share our joy without judgment. It was that realization that actually made us hesitant to spread the good news – even to our parents.

Sadly, our reservations were not off base, and in many cases celebrations were overlooked with one mere question… “Are you crazy?” The frustration quickly gave way to disappointment… disappointment that all those we wanted to share this joyous moment with couldn’t recognize the beauty and blessings that God has chosen to share with our family.

For the masses, we made the announcement on Facebook… 

For our kids, we came full circle, again being consumed with fear over what their reaction may be – especially for the older ones. We came up with a creative way to share the message and it was missed completely…

After a little prodding they finally got the message… We are still not sure where KR ran off to, and I think AT set off the neighbor’s car alarm… JA just wanted to get back to her Little Mermaid. The little ones, they still think mommy ate a baby…

With all the announcements made, we were once again reflecting on the chain of events and found ourselves a little disappointed in ourselves for hesitating to share the good news. We were worried about the response, perhaps the rejection or ridicule for following God’s plan. We let that handful of people stifle the joy.

What we have come to realize that our joy is enough, and our celebration of this precious life isn’t contingent on the understanding of others. God isn’t seeking acceptance or permission for His plan – why do we seek it to follow His plan? Why do we seek it from those who perhaps have turned away from Him – from a society that has done all it can to remove God from every aspect of life? It really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense from a Christian perspective. So with that in mind, it’s time to refocus – to remember what matters most. To stress that children and all the Chaos that they bring – are a blessing. Despite the eye rolls, snide comments (we will visit that at a later time) they are a blessing.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

Beware: The apocalypse has started…

By today’s standards, 6 kids is certainly a large family. We often draw the eyes of those around and undoubtedly the snide comment that we weren’t meant to hear. And of course there is the select few who feel it is appropriate to share their shock and dismay with us unsolicited. Most recently we set out to a family dinner at Olive Garden. Not seated more than 10 minutes before the older couple seated alongside us said “Are they all yours?” How do you respond to that? More importantly, what would possess a person to ask or even ponder that question? Or even better, what would make one think that they are entitled to the answer to that question?

This is a twofold problem with society today. First, why are people more surprised that we have six children than if we were to say we were abducted by aliens. We will talk about this more later... Secondly, many people have been misled along the years to think somehow their opinion matters. Someone led them to believe the rest of the world would somehow benefit from their opinion being known. They were lied to… Don’t get us wrong, everyone is entitle to their opinion, we just wish people understood that not everyone’s opinion is worth a crap. We often ponder if they so freely share the same opinion with ugly people… Would it be acceptable to walk up to the homely lady at the restaurant and ask “Is that face yours?” Hmmmm…. Who wants to be the first one to try that out? Let us know how it goes for you.

One word… tact! It is of course a lost art in this world of Facebook, twitter, and anonymity. We empower our youth to speak their mind, yet fail to provide them a moral compass in order to calibrate that less than functional space between their ears. This obviously isn’t a new aged thing, the folks at the restaurant were older than us. Perhaps this is the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. Perhaps the brain decay is eroding people’s ability to be courteous and discrete. That must be it… so each time a person feels obligated to ask us “Do you know what causes that?” we will deploy our zombie countermeasures and flee insistently…

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

~ 1Peter 3:8

I wonder if Mary ever used a cry room?

 

Today we entered into a good discussion on children at mass… We are sure this will be the first of many talks on the topic, but before that – let’s talk about the heart of the problem...

The heart of the problem is that we have to have this discussion to begin with. The heart of the problem is that there are some within our Catholic community that freely offer their criticism and disgust to families with young children. The faithful who feel the future of our Church should be sequestered to a cry room away from the rest. That is the problem…

Jesus was no doubt an infant who cried and perhaps squirmed about… should we deny Him admittance or perhaps segregate Him to a cry room? Should a child of God be removed from His presence because another cannot focus or understand the beauty, faith, and sacrifice before them? Does this not speak more of that person than the parents and the child?
Do not all baptized have the right to “be nourished with the Word of God and to be sustained by the other spiritual helps of the Church?”

With 6 kids, Mass is not always easy for us (3 are 3 and under)… We have received the eye rolls and less than charitable comments. And on Sunday we will be at Mass again, praying for all those who seem to need the patience and understanding more than we do. Perhaps instead of cry rooms we need an isolation room for those who cannot see God through the noise – for certainly He is still present.

Now to be completely forthcoming, it took us a while to figure this all out. We have been the ones to shuffle the little ones off so to avoid the awkward stares, but why is that? Why were we so quick to seclude our children from something so profound? Why were we so quick to separate one precious part of the Body of Christ? Are we not all the same Body? Should we separate a hand or foot if it is paining or distracting us?

A great deal of prayer and reflection brought us to a new conclusion… the problem isn’t children in Mass the problem is the mindset that makes one want to keep these little saints away from the Mass, where the real presence of our Lord resides.

“Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." After laying His hands on them, He departed from there.”

Matthew 19:13-15

 

*Photo from: http://wordsfromsimon.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/the-man-in-the-story/

“Wassup?”

This week brought us 3 school orientations for what will be our last year in the public school system. If nothing else came from those 3 tortures hours our decision to home school was solidified. It was appalling to walk the halls of a middle school. The brash language and skimpy clothing was more than we expected. But we have covered modesty already haven’t we?  

But is more than modesty – it’s the culture of today. A culture where manners disappeared, the English language has devolved from “how are you?” to “wassuup?” and we’re not just talking about the students. How lazy of a society have we become that we feel the need to shorten the word “hello” to simply “yo”?

All this starts in the home but is fostered by our media and schools. It is fostered by the entertainment industry where it is now somehow cool to act as if you cannot speak correctly and keep your pants around your knees… Parents accept these stereotypical roles and use them as excuses for failure instead of breaking the mold and striving to be better. This is another byproduct of the destruction of families and absence of fathers. Cohabitation, divorce, sexual depravity, and faithlessness; what are they really getting us?  

Reward is no longer contingent on success, it is a given for just showing up – it is expected for just existing. Everyone gets a trophy even if no one tries…

 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

~Colossians 3:23

Is "good enough" good enough?

Stay at home moms yearn for the end of summer break, dreaming of that moment when all the kids walk out the door to the bus and screaming “Alleluia” as it slams shut behind them. But out there is a special breed of parents, one that has always been peculiar to us – the Homeschooler… That one word seems to invoke fear in all who hear it – including us. But why? Not why do we quiver at the thought of spending 24 hours a day with our children – we certainly understand that! The question in our minds quickly turned to “what is wrong with them; why do they choose to put themselves through such insanity??”

So we set out to answer these questions, leaning on some friends with experience and of course the great World Wide Web that can never be wrong. We read hundreds of statistics and studies… many of which were above our public school education level. Our search for knowledge isn’t over, but it didn’t take long to realize the real question is “What’s wrong with us? How can we rant about societies corruption and dismal morals and they place our children at their mercy?” Not any easy pill to swallow really… Our education system is failing, most logical people will admit that – is that good enough for our kids?

For the last 7 years we have had children in public schools that have span 4 states and included 6 different schools. We have had our ups and downs with the public education system. Some teachers have been great others, well, there is no charitable way to put it so we will let it go… Despite all the ups and downs, it was always “good enough.” That was our mindset… “Good enough.” How bad could it be… we did alright (well one of us did, the other one is questionable… we will leave it to you to figure out which one).

It is amazing what children have to go through in the public school system. We have already had to deal with a number of bullies and mean kids on the bus. AT was in the gifted program and his grades still dropped because he was bored. We’ve watched our daughters self-esteem drop with the entering into middle school. They are learning about things like contraception and the normalization of homosexuality – all at the ripe old age of 9. We have fought to get accommodations for JA, who has a learning disability and ADHD. Trying to get all those accommodations transferred over when we PCS will be even harder.  Even the little things like the school lunches, the equivalent to eating a can of lard, are not adequate and to our surprise, we could not get them to offer Lent friendly means... We also know that when we PCS next year that finding a good school in a good neighborhood will be difficult. In the public school system it has definitely been an uphill battle.

With the new question in our minds and armed with the facts; (not just jokes we always made up about homeschooled children) we were confronted with a choice… They kids surprisingly jumped at the idea. They were over the moon excited. AT just didn’t want to have to eat the school lunches.

We have no romantic fantasies that homeschooling 6 children, one of them a teenager, will be easy. As a matter of fact, we are certain it will require some degree of professional counseling and a great deal of alcohol… We are fully prepared to enter AA when this is all through. There will be sacrifices that will need to be made on all parts. Our life will change as we know it, but we are ready for that change – and maybe we need the change. It isn’t for everyone, and just like discerning any major family decision each family has to make the choice for themselves; but it is imperative to do so on a properly formed conscience. As for us, we are ready to take the responsibility of educating our children instead of leaving it to strangers; most of which don’t share the values we share. We are ready to bring our family closer, maybe too close. So when we PCS in June, schools will not need to be one of our qualifications for a house. We will be official homeschoolers… Time to stock up on some beer!

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

~Proverbs 22:6

Hanna Montana vs Miley Cyrus

With school shopping well under way we are once again facing the ever diminishing concept of modesty in today’s society. We are not even sure where to begin with this one, but we are sure you all have seen it – whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. Who wants their 12 year old to dress like a hooters waitress? Obviously most of today’s society, because that is all you can buy these days. It’s not just the older kids either, bathing suits this year were atrocious!

We often debate the why of it all but really is there a good reason to have a 9 year old dress like Britney Spears? And then we wonder why teen sex rates are up and women are objectified; families degraded. It is because we have reduced young women to vain materialist all under the guise of feminism and empowerment. Let’s be honest though, there is nothing empowering about dressing like a harlot in the 6^th grade. It is astonishing that we live in a society when Victoria Secretes has a tween line with “Call Me” printed across the bottom… Who the hell is going to be reading that?!?!?

As parents, we have to wonder what is driving this market. Are there really that many parents that are so disengaged? How can we be okay with this as a society? How can we be okay with forcing our young women into the grown-up world at such young ages? News flash, this is a consumer driven market – they make it because you buy it. If a child needs to dress “sexy” to feel pretty or good – it’s a parenting failure, fix that instead. Hey, great idea... let's glorify sex on TV, dress our kids provocatively and then give them birth control to take away any responsibility... How's that working for America?!?! Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana – how do you want your daughter seen?

Modesty – what a wonderful concept. It is about self-respect. It protects and preserves the mystery of love – it upholds the sanctity of sexuality. It truly is the epitome of empowerment.

 So off the soap box, back to school shopping… Two things we have learned this year – Kids will pick what is “in” not what is appropriate. It is the same as if we let them choose what is for dinner – it would be ice cream every time… They don’t get to pick. Sometimes Mom and Dad do know best. Secondly, if you take Dad, be prepared to hear the modesty discussion over and over again, to the point where you just want to buy a burka to shut him up!

Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet.

CCC -2522